RANDOM THOUGHTS

It's time for some more of Steven's random thoughts. Recently Alyssa sent me an e-mail by some guy that was called "Random Thoughts of the Day." I realized that my random thoughts are pretty lame in comparison.... but I still have them so I'll keep writing them down.

If there's a 50% chance for something to go right... it might as well be a 0% percent chance.

You gotta love when you go to put your key in a car or house, and the key fits but the door won't unlock. You turn, push, pull and start cussing under your breath! Then you look closer at the key and realized it was the wrong one.

I swear some stop lights are ALWAYS red. I mean all the time. There are some lights I've stopped at 100% of the time. If you want proof drive up 36th street from Wall Ave to Harrison. I'll bet my mortgage you won't make it.

I love singing in the car. I like to blast the music and get into it but I don't wanna look like a weirdo. So I'll sing all out until someone pulls up next to me and then I go into ventriloquist mode, or I'll scratch the side up my nose. As soon as they're clear I'll start belting it out again.

Going back to my school days. Whenever there was a drawing or prize, I swear there were five kids that won EVERY time. You'd sit there and listen to the intercom waiting for your name... but your name never came! It was always the same kids.

When I'm sitting in a class and the teacher is giving a lecture I'll take down fake notes. I write random stuff that has nothing to do with what they're saying. Draw a few pictures. I'll even go as far as acting like I'm writing when I'm really not.

Nothing is worse than people with foam in the corners of their mouths.

Are exit signs really necessary? I mean... you went IN didn't you. Can't you remember how to get out?

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and part way through you realized you haven't been listening to a word they've said. And then you wonder if listening at this point is even worth it. So you just nod and hope for the best.

Geico insurance is CRAP. But they have some funny commercials.

Monopoly is a fun game if everybody is on the same level. Otherwise it's just a race to see who can rip off the dumb player fastest.

I don't believe in locking my car. If some idiot wants to steal the latest burned copy of Usher be my guest. He might even score a few pens!!

A word of advice... NEVER insult a fast food employee!

Have you ever listened to a song for the 1,000th time and suddenly you realize that you've been singing the wrong words for about 10 years. You wonder how many times you've sang that song aloud with people around. Not a good feeling.

You're in a room with very loud music, so you've got to scream to the person next to you in order for them to hear you. What you don't plan for is the music to cut out while you're yelling 100 decibles in a crown of people.

Why do bike racks have to be shaped like a bike? Honestly it's not that clever.

Pumpkins are NOT to eat.

BATHROOM STUFF...

There's no worse feeling than letting out a fart only to realize that it was MORE than just a fart.

The worst kind of poo is what I refer to as "toothpaste." It's not hard, but it's not runny. It's like a chocolate candy bar that's been sitting in the back of your warm car all day long. After about the 25th wipe I usually just give up and get in the shower.

I won't go number two in a public restroom if I can help it, but sometimes it's unavoidable. There's something embarassing about blowing up the toilet while someone else is standing in the room. So my rule of thumb is to hold it in if anybody else is in the room. You just gotta hold it til they're gone and then you can relax and enjoy the business.