Monday, June 15, 2009

Bit off more then I could chew!

So lately I have been dragging my butt big time on everything I do. I feel like my effort towards anything and everything has dropped drastically and I feel like I am basically not a person anymore. First of all my house is a disaster! Luckily I have the best husband in the world, and he understands that I need him to help me this summer, and he has basically been the only one keeping this house clean and the lawn looking nice, so thanks sweetie!! Steven has enough to do as it is and then he gets the pleasure of picking up my slack. So on his days off he gets to waste his day away doing my stuff instead of relaxing and having a day to himself. I try to get everything done I can and I try not to waste time when it can be put better use, but sometimes I just want to do absolutely nothing. I definitely feel like I have bit off more then I could chew this summer.
This summer I signed up for five classes at school, where one of the classes is that I have to get a job at a daycare and work 145 hrs during the semester. So I have all that going on as well as working full time at the Jail. I gave myself the confidence I needed to sign up and start going, but now I am running low on everything. I have such a hard time waking up because I am so exhausted. I get a decent amount of sleep, but I think all the stuff I am trying to do is wearing me out and maybe I should sleep more? So every morning I force myself to get out of my wonderful comfy bed and spend another day doing stuff I want to be done with. I start to get discouraged and think that it's never going to end and then every once in awhile I will snap out of it and realize that I really am so close to being done! (10 months)
I absolutely love the time I have spent at the daycare and I have learned so much, but I feel bad because I want to be able to give these kids all my energy and time and unfortunately I cant. It gives me hope when I have a class of my own because I know I will love it. Teaching is such a satisfying job and I am so so excited to teach!
I miss my summer already. I miss staying up late no matter what day it is.. I miss sitting outside talking, I miss swimming and boating and camping, and most of all the freedom. I have put myself in my own jail where my summer is wasting away. I know that I will be extremely happy when I finish school and can finally move onto the next step of my life, but right now I cant help but be stressed and tired.
Now I don't want you thinking that I am a depressed, sad person because I am not. I have done so many fun things already this summer and I really try to not complain much because I am so lucky to have the things I do. I feel like I have been blessed so much and if things continue to go our way, our life will be perfect! So as much as I hate my lack of personal time this summer, I am very thankful to be in this position and have two jobs that understand that I'm doing my best as well as a husband to support everything I want to do.
So when this summer is over a huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders and that stress will be gone (at least for a few weeks until my student teaching starts!), but that few weeks of stress free living will be all I need to finish school.
Life is what you make it!!
Thanks for listening! And if I ever want to do something crazy like this again please remind me of this summer and I will definitely think again!!

5 comments:

Megs said...

Last summer I took a way heavy load of classes for school. I felt the same! We went camping for the 4th of July, and I ended up working on a paper on my laptop on the beach while everyone else was swimming. It was lame! I hope you can enjoy some of what summer has to offer!

Kariann said...

I am sorry your life is so crazy right now...there is light at the end of the tunnel...but this is also preparing you for the future becuase that is how I always feel! :) Kids, job, house, husband, cleaning, all that stuff really wears ya out quick! At least you are learning, and 10 months will be done in NO time!! Then you can one day look back at laugh. Good luck, you'll do awesome and you will survive!! :)

Steven said...

When you signed up for all these classes during the summer I worried that you'd get worn down, but I didn't want to discourage you from doing something. You can do anything you set your mind to.
I'm proud of you for doing all this. It's definitly a LOT to deal with. I'll try to help around the house as much as possible to make things a bit less stressful. Love you!

Rachel said...

I know it can be too much some times. You are on the path to where you want to end up though. Good work, hang in there, and breath. You can do this.

Alyssa said...

Thanks for all your support and encouragement!! :) I do have the best friends, family, and husband!

Thanks for coming to our blog! We hope you enjoy reading about our life and please leave a comment so we know you stopped by!!